I will never make it to this kid’s 21st birthday !
A few days ago I was talking to my friend Jenny. Her youngest daughter, Amanda, is in the throws of adolescence and Jenny is frustrated, to say the least. Amanda seems disrespectful, unwilling to do chores or even pick up after herself and wants on-demand taxi and maid service. Amanda expects to be bankrolled through the college of her choice and cannot understand why she is the “only girl in the whole school” who has to pay for her own cell phone and car insurance. The arguments and tension are constant and Jenny is at her wits end.
How do I get this child to sleep ?
Another friend, Beth, was telling me recently that she cannot get her toddler, Sam, to go to bed at night. The later it gets, the more out of control Sam becomes. Bribes, threats, snuggling, snacks, drinks of water. Nothing helps. After several rounds of tears and aggravation, mother and child finally collapse in Beth’s bed around midnight. Beth wakes up exhausted in the morning and is getting burned out by the nightly conflicts and lack of sleep. She has the feeling her toddler is ruling the house.
You don’t have to give up on a peaceful relationship with your child.
As a mother of five grown children, I could certainly sympathize with what my friends are experiencing. The discipline problems can hardly be ignored yet the example of our parents leaves us little to draw on in managing behavior. Our parents did their best with the resources available to them at the time. But times have changed and the methods our parents used just don’t seem to work any more. We are really fortunate because there is much more information available now and there are ways to raise children that respect them and encourage their growth while maintaining a sense of order, respect and love in the home.
You may be thinking, “There is so much out there, how do I know what will actually help.”
When my daughter turned 3-1/2, it became very apparent to me that I needed to try something different. The authoritarian methods of my parents didn’t work. If I said, “You will…” she simply said, “No, I won’t.” To “make” her do what I wanted seemed too severe and counter to my beliefs that a child needs to be directed not forced. Needless to say, I was delighted to find methods that are more effective and lasting and foster independence and cooperation rather than fear and resentment.
I started reading and over time I came up with three books that enabled me to direct my children and support both their own growth and my desire that they grow to be pleasant, vibrant, strong, independent people who know how to fit into their world while still being themselves.
Love does not equal Chaos!
Perhaps most importantly, I learned how to discipline in ways that diffused the tension and frustration in the relationships. You do not have to allow chaos, disrespect and misbehavior for your children to love you. Despite appearances, your child looks to you for direction and guidance. A very loving parent can also be a firm influence, guiding and directing a child toward independence and adulthood.
Discipline is dynamic, always changing and requiring attention, listening, loving thought, follow-thru and self-examination. Parenting will create in you as much growth as you will experience in your child, if you allow it. While there is no instant fix, I would like to share with you the three books that changed my life and my parenting. Perhaps you will find, as I did, that there is a better way. There is hope.
If there are specific topics regarding discipline that you would like to hear about, leave a comment or a question. Here’s a common issue…
How do I get this Kid to Eat Something Besides Chicken Nuggets?